Letting the tears down

Sadness is as much part of life as happiness is. I'm on my period and there's this sadness in my heart that I can't explain. My chest feels heavy and tears flow like a river. It's 3 months into 2019 and I am nowhere near my career aspiration.

It's eating me up inside. The lack of career advancement since I joined GE is killing me. I feel like a total failure myself.

Imagine turning 30 this year and being exactly where you were four years ago. Why is it harder for me to climb up the corporate ladder than my peers. Sometimes I think I perform better than some of them. But the fact that my career is stagnant tells me otherwise.

Interview tomorrow!

An interview after what feels like ages, I surely look forward to tomorrow! It's interesting to note that I am not nervous at all. I guess subconsciously as I go through life, I've become a lot calmer. It does come with life experience, doesn't it? We grow through life. That is, if we ever choose to grow. I know I do. 

I hope I'll get the job. :D

Password Protected Page

Woah I finally found the simplest way possible to password-protect a page on blogspot. Here's the link in case I got lost in comprehending the javascript and might need a clean script later. It's always useful to put up useful contents on your blogs, you see. Googlers like me would definitely find such tricks handy. Thanks a bunch for sharing it people.

Anyway, the reason why I need to set a password to a page I intend to create is because I want to write a letter only I can read without having to set the entire blog to private.

But on second thought, it's quite mafan (troublesome) to encode the javascript when blogging on the phone. So I decided to jz create a totally brand new blog for that purpose instead. And if things do not go as envisioned, I can jz delete the entire blog instead of deleting a set of pages one by one. Jz one single click and poof, the entire blog will be gone. Easier that way.

Fragile Heart Hardened Heart

As I grow older, I realise that I've become the kind of girl who cries alone in silence when hurt. I've learnt the art of containing the emotional outburst before I am able to naturally walk away from the scene and find a spot to let the tears drop in secret.

I've also learnt that I'm becoming a lil more sensitive and fragile-hearted these days. Well, of course small things do not make me shed a tear, I would jz sulk normally and give them silent treatment or yell back at them at worst.

But when I do cry, it's mostly for things I've been bottling up for some time. When issues are not addressed because there is no room for communication, people continue the same behaviours and add salt to unhealed wounds.

I'm not saying I'm a saint who hurts no hearts. I do say and do things that hurt too. Both unintentionally and out of anger. Which is why I tend to mingle less with people of late. I try to avoid hurting people by being less involved with them. That way I hope I'll be spared from getting hurt.

But things don't always go as you envision it to be. Sometimes the hurt builds up at a place you expect love to grow, a place you wish you can truly call home sweet home.

Turning 27

When I was in uni, I pictured myself being married at the age of 24. It seems to me like an ideal age to settle down. Not too young, not too old and I'd have finished my degree and started working by then. Just the right time, I thought.

But it didn't happen. Not even a year or two later.

It's the third year this year and it'd be a lie to say I am as cool as cucumber that I am super single with no prospect.

It does come with age. The urge to find a spouse intensifies as I age.

Sometimes it gets the best of me and I just let myself feeling depressed for hours, days if it's the weekend.

As much as I enjoy solitude, my own company and doing my own stuff at my convenience and my own will, I long to spend my time with someone I like too.